Propaganda Publishing Presents: The Complete President’s Guide to Distraction
MAKE WAR, NOT LEAKS
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Are you tired of hearing all about how you’ve “violated” the “rights” of “American citizens” with your “illegal” wiretapping program?
Do you find yourself constantly having to defend yourself against the media’s in-depth investigation into your in-depth investigation of everyone on the planet?
Are you Barack Obama, the current President of the United States?
If any of this sounds like you, then you should pick up a copy of Surviving a Spying Scandal For Dummies: 44th Edition.
With our simple tips and tools you’ll learn how to distract the public by threatening to go to war in the Middle East. They’ll be so busy asking questions like “Hey, aren’t we already at war in the Middle East?” and “Wait, not another war,” and “Are you fucking kidding me?” that they won’t even remember to say, “Hey, could you please remove that fiber-optic tube from our country’s leaking and lubricated anus?”
“But wait,” you ask. “Didn’t the country we’re planning to bomb because they used chemical weapons also use chemical weapons in the past? We didn’t bomb them then, so why it so important to do so now?”
Well I’ll tell ya, pardner, that’s a really great question, just a doozy. And the reason why this time is so different is because HEY LOOK OVER THERE!!
See how when I yelled, you looked over there? And you completely forgot why we were talking in the first place? Meanwhile, now I’m standing all the way over here and it’s way too late to question my violation of your Constitutionally protected rights. That’s just one of the many tricks you’ll learn when you read Surviving a Spying Scandal for Dummies: 44th Edition. Pick up your copy today, available wherever fake books are sold.*
Happy War Crimes!
*Not where Jazz fake books are sold. That’s Guitar Center.